Some call it baby blues,
some postpartum depression,
for me, it was losing myself to a different someone

Someone who was invisible
immeasurable
insolent
unreproved
Someone who had taken over
my emotions, feelings, rendering me abused

There were days I felt exactly like I was “supposed” to
joyful, thankful and loved
But very often also paid a visit
were feelings of hollowness
numbness and being gloved

Then there were days of
sheer doubt, pain and tears
when I would cry and yell
succumbing to indeterminate fears

I had lost myself
my smile
the love and passion for life
It was scary being someone I didn’t fathom, comprehend or relied

*

So I hid
behind the walls of disguise
behind the sprawl of “I am fine”

Lie that all’s well
I said repeatedly to others and self

Lies that I was too busy
only to be sitting anchorless, wanting to set free

Lies that all will be OK
only not knowing what was wrong
who to ask and where to start

Lies that I was blessed
holding my bundle of joy
but deep down regretting the new me
seeing only plethora of flaws

*

I don’t know when I broke free
or if at all I did
don’t know if I recovered, healed
or grew to accept

But I do remember acknowledging this invisible illness,
I do remember stopping to disguise my own weakness

I do remember this pivot in the right direction
I do remember breaking mirrors of perfection

For that, I am a hero, superwoman in my own right
for that, I am a warrior, sometimes, even now, fighting battles and wars, out of plain sight.

Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels

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Inspired by Indie Blu(e) Publishing’s submission request on topic of invisible illnesses. https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/130149259/posts/12938

As women, we are made to believe that everything about being a mother is magical. While true in lot of regards, like everything else in life, there are many not so easy adjustments and changes too. Triggered by many such physical and emotional factors, a lot of women, some more than others, experience whats commonly called baby blues and postpartum depression.

Without passing medical remarks, being one and having spoken to a lot of women in such shoes, the first and biggest struggle I feel is acknowledgement. Many of us due to stigma created by society and our own selves, don’t even want to acknowledge this illness, forget about seeking help.

To such mothers, I say, you are strongest when you embrace your weakness.


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